What It Takes to Keep Your Marriage Healthy

We asked Dr. Oz's wife, Lisa, author of Us: Transforming Ourselves and the Relationships That Matter Most, to weigh in on what it takes to keep a marriage healthy.


Being married offers benefits beyond having a standing Saturday night date, or a regular jogging partner, or someone who will reliably take out the garbage. My husband, Mehmet, often talks about the medical virtues of wedded bliss: It can lower your stress level, reduce your risk of Alzheimer's disease, even improve cancer survival rates. All very well—but the operative word here is bliss. It's been proven that it takes a happy marriage to reap the most from those benefits. And—as I can attest after nearly 25 years of marriage (some a bit bumpy)—that takes work. In my book, I talk about the challenges Mehmet and I have faced (like when he stares at his BlackBerry instead of into my eyes during a conversation) and the strategies we use to stay connected:

Have Real Conversations

When you and your husband first got together, you didn't spend your nights discussing the kids, the bills, or the leaky roof. And while checking off everything on the to-do list is a nice goal, it's not nearly as valuable as staying emotionally in tune with each other. It's not always easy, but make a point of taking ten minutes each day to talk about something more meaningful than cleaning out the garage. If your husband (like mine) has a hard time talking without getting distracted, try this: When I want to have a heart-to-heart with Mehmet, I get him engaged in another more appealing activity, like working out together or taking a walk. Once he's physically occupied, it's easier for him to hear what's on my mind.

Fight Clean

Because dealing with conflict is a large part of any long-term relationship, you need to know how to air your differences productively. Too often an argument devolves into proving you're right—and as I've learned, being right is overrated. One way to tell if you're resolving your disputes in a civilized manner is to record your argument, and then play it back later. Did you fight fair, or did you come off like the Wicked Witch of the West? I once saw a video of a family vacation that captured a fight Mehmet and I were having in the background. I was so horrified by my venomous tone, I quickly erased the tape—but seeing that fight is still having a positive impact on our relationship.

Take Responsibility

If there's something in your marriage you want changed, do something about it yourself. For years I wanted Mehmet to work less and play—especially with me—more. It took a long time to realize that if I wanted to be entertained in life, I needed to find the entertainment myself. After decades of blaming him for my boredom, I decided to make my own fun. I enrolled in continuing education classes, reconnected with friends, even took up kung fu! I still prefer having him around, but I'm no longer putting my life on hold until he's cleared his heart surgeries and TV show tapings from his schedule each day.

Let's face it, as much fun as you may have with your spouse, marriage isn't a 24/7 party. But what makes a healthy union is sharing goals and growing together as a team. Concentrate on the life you want to build together, and you'll find that all the little stuff you think you need—whether it's dates at fancy restaurants or lazy weekends without the kids—seems unimportant.

Source: Lisa Oz, O, The Oprah Magazine

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Oprah’s Most Memorable Latino Guests Ever!

Oprah Winfrey has had a plethora of famous and infamous guests during her show’s 25 seasons (it wraps up this Wednesday, May 25). Here are the most memorable Latinos who have either sat on her couch and poured their hearts out or been featured on the show.

Mariah Carey

Mimi is one of Oprah’s most frequent guests, having gone on 22 times. Among the highlights: in 2005, she coached a 12-year-old fan through his first recording session; in 2009, she and hubby Nick Cannon kissed on the show, which had been taped at Central Park.

Gloria Estefan

Holy Conga. For the first time ever, in 2004, Estefan let cameras into her Miami mansion. She was promoting her tour and let Oprah into her sprawling and luxurious but somehow homey home. Inside: a room facing the water, with a dance floor big enough for 100 people, and a huge restaurant-style kitchen.

Isabel Allende

The Chilean writer’s novel, Daughter of Fortune, got the Oprah bump when Winfrey chose her 2000 saga about a strong woman making her way during the 1800s.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The lauded Colombian novelist and Nobel Prize winner for literature has been picked by Oprah’s Book Club twice: for One Hundred Years of Solitude and Love in the Time of Cholera.

Christina Aguilera

For Bionic, her first comeback album in four years, Xtina sang her heart out on Oprah (taped at Radio City Music Hall) in 2010, and waxed poetic about feeling superhuman after giving birth. “I think as women, our bodies go through such amazing things, and we are superhuman. We give life, we give birth, we are our child’s source of everything. Our bodies are not our own for a time period and we givingly and willingly do so for our child. But then when we get them back, you feel that much stronger and that much better and more confident.”

Eva Longoria

The Mexican American actress hooked up with the show in 2006 to redecorate her parents’ house. It made for a heartwarming, funny (and considering that then-hubby Tony Parker is in it, a bit sad) segment: Longoria had bought her parents their dream home, only to see them use patio furniture in their living room. Looking at it now, you at least feel glad that she’s got a family that she’s clearly close to, who helped get her through her divorce.

Ricky Martin

This is the Latino Oprah appearance. Martin, whose career as a singer and heartthrob compelled him to hide his homosexuality for decades, may have come out to the world on his website last spring, but he gave his first subsequent interview to the media queen in November 2010. In a moving exchange, an emotional Martin recounted how he ‘cried like a baby’ when he made the announcement. “I felt that I could finally say, ‘I love myself completely’,” he told Oprah. The audience was in tears.

 John of God

Hundreds if not thousands of people have flocked to the small Brazilian village where this self-proclaimed medium and “psychic surgeon” lives, hoping to be cured of everything from heart disease to cancer. Oprah magazine’s editor in chief, Susan Casey, went because the sudden death of her father had left her reeling and depressed. She found peace in John of God’s teachings, and thanks to her report on him and Oprah’s interview of Casey on the show, he found an audience of millions.

Jennifer Lopez

She’s visited the show several times, including with her fellow American Idol judges earlier this year, but her most remarkable appearance came in 2004, a year after she and Ben Affleck had broken up. Now married to Marc Anthony, she talked about everything from Bennifer (‘it was a media frenzy and I wasn’t happy’) to her new life: “It was a tough year, but a good year, because I learned so much. I feel like it’s a second act for me.” It was a revealing side to a woman many considered a difficult diva.

Salma Hayek

When she first interviewed the Mexican actress/producer, Oprah said she’d never clicked with an interviewee more. No surprise, then, that Hayek was asked back, in 2007 to talk motherhood. Straightforward but charming, a relaxed Hayek looked amazing six months after giving birth to her daughter and chatted about balancing her daughter Valentina’s strong first name (which means courageous) with a softer middle name (Paloma, which means dove, of course) and being scared to have a daughter. “I remembered how hard it is to be a woman,” she said. “I chickened out and I said, ‘Oh, my God. I hope I get a boy.’ Because I just think they have it easier.”

Fernando Bengoechea

Nate Berkus, the show’s designated interior designer, gave a beyond-emotional account of losing his partner, Argentinian interiors photographer Bengoechea in the 2004 tsunami. They were swept away in a wave and had managed to hang on to each other but were separated. Bengoechea’s body was never found. In one of the most heartrending interviews ever on the show, a choked up Berkus told Oprah and a shocked audience “I want to keep saying his name out loud because I think it’s important for everybody who’s lost their life, for their life to be more than that moment of death. His work and his art will live on for everybody who he filmed, for everybody whose life he touched. We get to see him through his work forever.”

Selena’s Family

Three years after Selena’s 1995 murder, the tejano singer’s father, mother and sister came on Oprah to talk about the tragedy and the singer’s legacy. Hearing dad Abraham Quintanilla’s self-blame for the tragedy and seeing mom Marcella’s quiet grief makes for a harrowing and almost unwatchable hour.

Source Damarys Ocana

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