Does a perfect wife always dress to please her husband?

Just how far should a woman go to please her husband? In Monday’s Mail, a series of women confessed to ‘Perfect Wife Syndrome’ — that is, making a deliberate effort to cook fabulously, dress to kill and offer sex on demand, no matter how tired or stressed they might be themselves.

Even Tory MP Louise Mensch — fearsomely accomplished and successful — has got in on the act, crisply informing us that not only does she dress up for her husband but that to do so is nothing less than ‘an act of love’.

We can argue all we like that it’s our personality that really matters — but there are few men who, given the choice between a partner in greying undies, baggy jumper and comfortable jeans and one who’s made the effort to look groomed and sexy, wouldn’t opt for the latter.

Is it really an act of love to indulge them? As in all things to do with relationships, it’s a question of balance.

Mensch qualifies her dressing-up comments with the phrase ‘not in a Barbie doll way’ — a shrewd remark, as any man who urges you to wear short skirts and low-cut tops wants a trophy, not a partner. And the trouble with trophies is that the moment they lose their lustre they’re usually left to gather dust.

I am part of the first generation to have been reared on a diet of equality. Today we expect — demand — the same opportunities as men. So surely, you might think, we shouldn’t have to worry any more about how we dress?


But what we wear, and why, is fraught with complexity. We should dress to please ourselves, of course — but what most of us perhaps don’t like to admit is that we don’t please ourselves if no one else thinks we look good.

That doesn’t mean we should all be striving to dress in the height of fashion, whatever Vivienne Westwood may say. The designer sniffily dismissed the Duchess of Cambridge recently as a very ‘ordinary’ dresser who was definitely not a fashion icon, as a true fashion icon doesn’t follow trends, she sets them.

Well, why on earth would Kate want to be a fashion icon? The truth is that most women don’t want to stand out like a Belisha beacon, but to blend in. The rule for this is really very simple: dress appropriately for the situation.


On the school run, an outfit should be practical and comfortable, and its chief function is not to embarrass your child. In the office, it should be stylish but not sensational. And on an evening out with your husband, it should be sexy not sexual.

These are basic choices that most of us make every day, and have nothing to do with feminism. If you look good and are dressed appropriately, you’ll automatically feel more confident.

That’s not betraying the sisterhood; it’s merely common sense.

So have the Perfect Wives got it right when they say we should also whip up feasts for our men every night and provide sex on demand?

That, I’m afraid, is when my moderate-feminist hackles rise. For what keeps a marriage together is not subservience but love and respect — and who can respect someone who ignores our own needs?

If you choose to pander to your husband’s every whim, it will all end in tears. Being thoughtful is one thing. Subjugating your needs and personality to his is quite another, and the truly Perfect Wife needs to be much cleverer than that.

Yes, she should seduce him on occasion, just as she should dress up from time to time or produce an exquisite meal. But she should also demand that he make just as much effort to keep her impressed, entertained and amused.

Because the true enemy of marriage is complacency. And there’s nothing perfect about that.

Source: Sandra Parsons

Posted in 2011 best marriage issue , marriage , MP Louise Mensch , perfect couple , perfect marriage , perfect wife , Peter Mensch , relationship